Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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