we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
