peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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