you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
