She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
