Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
