Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
