i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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