the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
