I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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