well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
