How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
