if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
