dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
