My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Someone came in the potted fern
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
