READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
