Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
