There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
