my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
