Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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