At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
