Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
