remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
