I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
