I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
