Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
