so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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