Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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