MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
