You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Everything about him screamed your future.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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