I smell stomach acid.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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