She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
