we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
