did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
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