Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm having to shit out rocks
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