I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
