You're a womanizer and a bitch.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
