If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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