if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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