this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
