apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
