The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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