Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
