a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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