I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
