i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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