Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
