ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
