Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
