You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
