Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
