Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize