This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
