one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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