a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She even gives head with a lisp.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
