He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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