Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
