Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
