No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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