You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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