you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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