Quick, to the slutcave!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
