Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
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i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize