why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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