Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
