I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
