We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
