I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm having to shit out rocks
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
