I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
