I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
