A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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